The Story of My Dog and Why You Should Care
The Story of My Dog and Why You Should CareIt all began when I was 11 years old. That day, my mom was taking us (the kids) to Arnold's Hey and Grain, a food store for animals. As we were approaching the door, something caught my eye: a little dog (4 months old). The puppy was situated in a cage and was lying down on his tubby little belly. He looked at me with BIG, HUGE, BUG-eyes and whimpered.
He looked so sad?so lonely?so isolated. I got down on my hands and knees and said to him, "Hey there, little puppy. You sure look lonely." Then the dog looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Well duh. I'm stuck in this freakin' cage sleeping in my own business and eating nasty doggy kibble. How about getting me outa here, you mental midget?" I replied with, "Sure thing, dude.
I'll buy you or something like that." He rolled his bug eyes at me and stated, "You humans are all the same?" I smirked.Well, a few minutes after my encounter, my mom walked out of the store with the rest of the brats. She noticed I was looking at the dog and commented about how cute he was. Then I remembered how much I wanted a dog and asked her if I could buy this one (as if I bought a puppy every day). To my astonishment, she said, "Maybe." YESSSS!!!!! She looked in to the matter a little more and she decided to ask my dad whether or not we could get a dog. Again to my astonishment, he said, "Maybe." Before I could purchase my furry friend, he made me promise him that I would feed him, brush him, walk him, burp him, change his diaper etc?.
Of course I agreed not realizing the mess I got my self into. "Yeah whatever." I said, "I'll feed him, brush him, walk him, burp him, and change his diaper etc?" So, we bought the little punk. It would take a day before we could actually pick him up. When that day came, I was more then ready to feed him, brush him, walk him, burp him, and change his diapers! When we got him to the car, he completely freaked out (I guess he was never in a car before). He jumped over the seats, he ran between our legs, he barked at oncoming cars, he screamed, he shouted, and he used words I would never use on this blog.
When I asked him why he executed such juvenile behavior, he replied with, "Because I'm a dog, stupid. Plus I was told it's great therapy - you should try it some time." I shrugged and told him I had given that practice up a week ago. It was really difficult to find a name for this dog, so I went through the lists of names common to a dog. "Zip, Butch, Rover, Cretan?" I thought to myself. All those names seemed too?.stupid.
So I named him "Richard." He loved it. As the months went by, he seemed to grow larger, more intelligent, but he never did lose his puppy-like features. Taking him on walks was moderately easy, except for one thing: Once he saw a person or location he wished to approach, he would tug and pull and coke himself until he would almost pass out. Once the animal rights people noticed this, they stated that this was total animal abuse and demanded they take possession of my dog - at least until they could find a suitable owner. Of course I told them I would do nothing of the sort.
They did not like my little reply so we got in a gunfight and I won. He he, those losers?One month before he turned 1, he mysteriously developed the bad habit of chasing cars (an activity that is commonly executed by dogs). After a few weeks of having my arm pulled off, my mom and I decided that we needed to take some serious action. But before we started beating the living waste out of Richard, I decided I needed to have a little "Boy-to-Dog" discussion. "Richard, we need to discuss something?" I said."Make it quick, stooge.
I have a tight schedule today." He replied."Richard, you've gotta stop chasing after cars, you're really hurting my arms." I said."You'll survive, Brian." He replied."Not for long!! What do you suggest I do? I can't seem to train you to not chase vehicles." I said." Hey, I know: when you see a car coming, let me go." He replied."That's it, smart-butt, time to get aggressive with you!!!" I saidI bought a can of Bitter Apple, A spray that comes in a bottle and is affective against disobedient k9s. On our next walk, I took the can. This is how it went:"Oh boy!!!" he said, "A car!!" "Leave it, mutt!" I said."No." he said."Yes." I said."Die." He said."That's it!!! Take this!!!" I said as I sprayed the substance in his mouth. "AAAAHHHGGGGGGG" he said, "I'm melting!!!!!""No you're not." I said."That stuff is N-A-S-T-Y! OK, I'll follow your unreasonable demands." He said."Good." I said. (We don't believe in shouting, or yelling, so we use "said," instead of "yelled" or "shouted.")After a few more sprays and "discussions," Richard stopped chasing.
I was obviously glad and so was he. Although Richard has his difficulties, he has a lot more "good stuff" about him. the "good stuff" Richard is extremely intelligent when it comes to learning new tricks. I taught him how to shake my hand in about 6 minutes. I also taught him how to catch food in mid-air in about 9 minutes.
He's a very fast learner. He is also learning to stay in the front yard without darting after cats and other such mobile things. Although he is currently 2, he still looks and acts like a puppy. Not only is he cute, he is also a great guard dog (just take my word for it). Oh yeah, did I mention he can talk?Well, I think you have a good idea what my dog is like, so remember: Before you go around ranting about how cool your dog is, just think about how much cooler my dog is.Thank you and good night.
18 Tips for Saving Money on Gasoline
Gas prices are on the rise again!
Here are some tips to help you conserve gas and save money as we approach summer gas prices. 1. Keep your car tuned up.
Cars in poor running condition use more gasoline. 2.
Plan trips well to avoid unnecessary driving. 3. When you run your air conditioner you get much worse gas mileage.
Use your air conditioner sparingly.
If you have a lower setting, use it.
Turn it on until the car gets cool, then turn it off and let the fan circulate the cool air.
Never run your air conditioner with your windows open! 4. Keep your windows closed when traveling at high speeds.
Open windows cause additional drag and lower your gas mileage.
At high speeds, an open window can use more gas than many air conditioners (especially if they are on a low setting).
5. Check your tire pressure.
Over-inflated tires can actually reduce your fuel efficiency, so don't overfill. 6. If at all...
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How to Start An Art Collection On a Shoestring Budget
Copyright 2006 Monique Hawkins
Collecting is a hobby enjoyed by many. Some collectors enjoy collecting all kinds of collectibles such as music boxes and other mechanical music, cars, jewelry, figurines, and many other types of items. Then there are those who enjoy collecting art. As a matter of fact, many individuals are inclined to forgo reprints and posters and start collecting their own unique art pieces for their homes and offices. If you are one of these people, here are some tips on starting your own unique art collection.
Before beginning an art collection, ask yourself if you interested in starting your own collection of original art.
Keep in mind that if you, like most people, do not have thousands of dollars to spend on famous original artwork, then it's time to consider alternative creative sources.
For those who are short on time and are not particularly interested in cultivating their own tastes, an option you have to rent from...
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Inexplicable Things Families Do on Holidays, and What to Do About Them
The holiday season is upon us, when families gather together to make each other crazy. Here's how to stay sane anyway. You're a competent human being, yet two hours before dinner you can't find your shoes, your to-do list, or even the extra pan of stuffing. Tension has sent your adrenaline soaring, so your brain starts to malfunction. You lose things in plain sight.
You can't remember where you put something down two minutes before. You run in circles doing everything at once and you burn dishes you have cooked perfectly for years.Stop. Breathe. You're experiencing a biochemical overload. Any large muscle movement will break up the adrenaline, so do something physical.
Haul out the trash. Lift the turkey. Quick scrub down the top of the stove. If someone else is starting to lose it, have them haul the trash or carry the turkey. Think of something you simply must have at the top of the house and have them dash up the stairs to get it.
After they've done some running...
Inexplicable Things Families Do on Holidays, and What to Do About Them
Used cars > Inexplicable Things Families Do on Holidays, and What to Do About Them
California Lemon Law
The descriptive term ?lemon' applies equally to a defunct or malfunctioning car as to a citrus fruit. The origin of this slang term is obscure. However, the fact remains that in a world on the move, a recalcitrant or basically defective automobile is something of a bane. Owning a ?lemon' is degrading socially and most definitely a major irritant.
The California Lemon law applies to many products, but has preeminence in the context of automobiles. California is one of the most motored and automobile-oriented states in America, and it should come as no surprise that it has definite laws concerning defective automobiles.
The California Lemon Law protects consumers from the consequences of a purchase or lease of a defective car. The onus of a customer lies largely on the manufacturer.
Basically, the California Lemon Law holds the manufacturer of a car responsible for the proper and satisfactory functioning of the car while it is under its warranty period...
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Three Steps to Marketing Success
There are three important steps you need to take to ensure your web
site succeeds. If you follow these three steps your web site will
get visitors that will come back time and time again. These steps will also
assist your website in getting noticed by the search engines, and you
should be able to earn money from your web site.
One constant theme that emerges from the most successful
businesses and organizations is simplicity. Keep your website simple
and easy to navigate.
Don't try to do too much, or complicate things
or you'll more than likely fail. So, the three step process for
Internet success is simple, making it much more likely that you
will succeed.
Step 1, Decide exactly what your web site will be about. For
example, say your interest is in cars. If you produce a web site
about cars, you'll be competing against millions of others and
You will have...
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Lincoln Town Car Creates An Impression
The demarcation between ultra well-off individuals and their exact opposites can easily be ascertained by just looking at their cars. Billionaires own the most expensive cars in the world, which only a chosen few can afford. They flaunt it to awestruck other car fanatics. But, there are several exceptions; one of them is Warren Edward Buffett who drives a 2001 Lincoln Town Car.
Lincoln Town Car is the flagship of the automaker in the full-size luxury sedan segment. It features Lincoln Town Car OEM parts which include V8 engine and rear wheel drive that boosts pillowy ride.
Said car is currently the largest in its segment. It measures about 18 feet in length.
Not everyone favors luxury cars. People like Buffett, prefer practicality over performance. Buffett, also known as 'Oracle of Omaha', is an investor, philanthropist and businessman. He has accumulated an...
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